And then the women usually become reactive and take offense that they are not “good enough” to “deserve more” than whatever these guys are capable of giving at the moment so they usually give an ultimatum or walk away hoping these guys will chase them or give them what they want only to find themselves nowhere near ready to pull the plug thanks to the strong attraction and attachment. Everyday in my job this scenario is repeated over and over with different women who are looking for answers on how to deal with this issue.
There are a few things that warrant serious scrutiny here: 1.
If a guy isn’t giving me an indication that he’s ready for anything hot and heavy I’ll feel so icky and awkward about bringing this subject up with him. A lot of women do that and they are not getting what they want cause it shows a lack of decorum and it is plain reactive and unattractive. He wants a prize, not a desperate housewife wannabe. You are allowed your own pace but until he is on the same page as you, it’s really futile to force your pace on him. What is the purpose of this drama prone guilt trip imposed on him? If you aren’t comfortable following a man’s lead, then you are not cut out to be with a masculine man -which entails MOST MEN.
You lose a score or five in his eyes, that’s why he’s reluctant to run after you. And if you have seen repeated same problems in your previous relationships, it’s time to change that mindset or stay trapped. You don’t want a guy who does things because he has to anyway.
She is thinking of walking away because she feels so attached already.
It’s always on his terms which makes me feel a little like a puppet. It’s hard because I am a go-getter, a director, an over achiever and I’m wickedly smart.
It seems like a tricky tightrope to strike the balance between being true to yourself and letting him lead, if it’s not something that feels good to me. I also had a VERY insecure childhood which left me with a lot of anxiety as an adult, and insecure attachment. I’m just faced with a lot of emotional stress when I try.” A lot of women have a problem with following a man’s lead and often come up with an argument like the last paragraph.
As women, are we always to lean back and just accept whatever he does, even if it doesn’t work for us? And yes, still dating other guys, but no one has compared.
Is it ok to communicate to him somehow that I love hearing from him?